Play It Lola, On Your Pianola!

Well, all in all it has been a tad too cold recently to venture out for our weekly singalong. However, this week we toddled forth and had a grand time roasting the old favourites and singing chestnuts. Or should that be the other way round??!!

Anyway here's the top pianola roll of the week, that cheery little number, 'Where did you get that hat?' And keep an eye out for future glimpses of our jolly little animated pictorial entitled 'The Hat'. A well-received contender in the recent Winter Magic Festival short film screenings.

(Song moved to http://colonelfarquhear.blogspot.com/)

Play It Lola, On Your Pianola!

Here we are again ladies and gents, girls and boys, and others! Your weekly 'singalongawithKAC' (no groaning down the back there). This week's gem is the stirring 'Let's all go down The Strand'. And we might ask the Colonel to strike up his military thingamajiggy and 'lead the band'.

(Song moved to http://colonelfarquhear.blogspot.com/)

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

This was relayed to Maggie Mocks by parties unknown (you know who I mean, of course).

Recently, Colonel Farquhear was in the upper echelons and higher strata of the Mountains region, namely that area closest to the clouds, Mount Victoria. There, on a particularly festive weekend in May, he encountered Queen Victoria (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and a Mr. Brown (a likely pseudonym if ever there was one). The Queen was moved and chose to pass a motion, as it were, to reward the Colonel for his renowned and respected service with Her Majesty's Government in the Near East, the Far East and lots of oddball little places inbetween that nobody's ever heard of.

The Colonel was dubbed and knighted, (or was that, drubbed and benighted, one can't always read one's own writing these days) and a portion of the ceremony was recorded thus:

Her Royal Highness: Kneel!

The Colonel: Your Majesty, at your service.

HRH: Rise, Sir Colonel Reginald...or is it Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear??!! Tell me, Brown, what's your opinion on this?

Mr. Brown: Weel, I dinna kin the ins 'n' oots of etiquette thet well, but I suspect it cud be Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear, Ma'am. And anyways, ye dinna want him tay get too beg fuh hes boots, would ye now??!!

HRH: Quite so, Mr. Brown! Oh, if only you could have been Prime Minister. (To the Colonel) So, it is, rise Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear, Royal Camel Corps (retired).

The Colonel: Yes, Ma'am, thank you most profoundly, Ma'am, I....

HRH: Alright, that's enough. Now go away like a good fellow, I need to have my afternoon nap.

So, there you have it. A noticeably pithed Colonel, cloaked as 'knight', 'dressed' by a Queen, and 'ayed' by a Mr. Brown..........or, something like that.

Morning Tea at Miss. Isabel Violet Franklin's Daddy's house

On a typical day at Miss. Isabel's abode there is often pre-breakfast snacks, breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, after-dinner snacks, supper and then pre-bedtime cocoa. As Cook doesn't always make rather the most perfect meal every time due to an unfortunate addiction to the local ale and absinthe establishments, Miss. Isabel 'employs' friends and acquaintances as taste-testers from time to time.

Accidentally recorded here by myself, the Colonel, Dr. Yorrick can be seen to have submitted to one of Miss. Isabel's 'requests' regarding her morning tea. It was discovered later that Miss. Leonora, normally the person closest in her immediate vicinity to be seconded to the task of taste-testing, was feeling a little 'under the weather' and somewhat preoccupied with the latest Parisian fashion catalogues fresh from the Continent, to be able to fulfil the role.

Dr. Yorrick took to the task so

enthusiastically that Miss. Isabel is considering him for 'permanent staff' if Daddy can afford him.

Suffice it to say, Miss. Isabel enjoyed her morning tea victuals even though there was very little left after Yorrick's extensive taste-testing.

As to my good self, I unfortunately had to be content with a glass of refreshing mountain water.

Afterword: The Colonel can not be held responsible for any rude or inflammatory comments found within the preceding text.

How To Test If An Iron Is Hot

(Taken from 'Mrs. Hedgewick's Handy Housekeeping Hints')

Mr. Henry Hedgewick is shown here demonstrating the two-step method of telling if an iron is hot enough to use. (Please note: this process is not recommended for little children. Viewing should be under strict parental guidance and funnybone rubbing.)

1. Place iron on heated stove for a short period.

2. Lift iron to forehead and try smoothing brow. If it works there, then it will also be hot enough for use on shirts, nightgowns and other items of clothing.

Mr. Hedgewick's Family History Tales Part 1

This photograph taken with a 'hidden camera' shows Mr. Hedgewick explaining to Miss. Leonora the story of his and Professor Hedgewick's birth as handed down to him from his/their parents.

As Mr. and Mrs. Hedgewick told little Henry, and his alter-ego, 'the Professor', he was born from seeds from the family pumpkin patch, planted in his mother's womb. Nine months later, out popped the biggest, sweetest little 'pumpkin' they had ever seen.

As always, Miss. Leonora is highly sceptical of any stories from Mr. Henry Hedgewick's family history!

A Muted Warning To All Mountains Residents

Be on the lookout this Winter Magic Festival for the wild beastie known as the 'Lithgow Black Panther'.

It has been known to wander as far afield as Katoomba and has a refined taste for local community festivals (and festival-goers).

Should you sight this animal, do not approach too close, and try to get the attention of a member of the Katoomba Amusements Company.

They have within their company skilled 'panther-wranglers', Colonel Farquhear in particular having had extensive experience with large cats in the jungles of India, and in the back streets of Katoomba.

Herewith is a recent pictorial of the creature.

Play It Lola, Upon Your Pianola!

Oft times, the company gathers at one of their elegant abodes to sing along to many an old-time music hall tune. Stimulated by these get-togethers, the Colonel has been inspired to write a small ditty in celebration of the company's many faceted character. Most imaginatively, he chose to entitle it 'The Katoomba Amusements Company Song'. And here it is for you all to sing along to.

(Song moved to http://colonelfarquhear.blogspot.com/)

Now, wasn't that jolly invigorating?!! Almost as good as a cross country run, wouldn't you say?

Well, now that we've 'struck the first chord' as it were, we'll be adding more songs for you to sing along to around your home pianolas.

Next week, it's: "Let's All Go Down The Strand!!"

An Afternoon Tea Party For The Company

A delightful day's socialising occurred recently in the elegant surrounds of Redlands, Katoomba. The guests included Miss. Isabel Violet Franklin, Miss. Leonora Godaire, Mr. Henry Hedgewick, Dr. Yorrick and the elusive Col. Reginald Farquhear, R.C.C. (rtd.).

A light lunch was served of cucumber and lettuce, cold lamb and pickle, and tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches combined with copious amounts of tea. It was Miss. Leonora who commented later that the 'copious amounts of tea' were perhaps a little unfortunate considering that the outdoor 'ladies room' facilities were in constant use by both genders.

Some members of the Leura Ladies Fortune Card Reading Society played a joke on the Colonel, saying that their reading of his tea leaves foretold of romantic ties with an

alluring female from a distant land. They were, of course, alluding to his renowned affection for his former desert steed: his favourite camel, Colette. However, the Colonel, in his usual daydreaming state, took this to be a sign of impending dalliance with one of their own company, which set the ladies to much amusement.

After lunch the ladies took to strolling around the lush gardens found therein. Dr. Yorrick had given the ladies a firm warning about not wandering too far as 'the fearsome Black Panther' had been seen in the Katoomba vicinity 'of recent times', and, 'one never knows'. Of course, Miss. Isabel 'pooh-poohed' the suggestion as 'another of Dr. Yorrick's wild delusions' but Miss. Leonora had had a dream the night previous, of a wild beast (which she said had the unfortunate circumstance of bearing the 'adorable' visage of Mr. Hedgewick) prowling outside her back door and wanting to get in. So her natural inclination was to take Dr. Yorrick's advice to heart.

Mr Hedgewick, meantime, had wandered into the garden for similar aesthetic reasons, though perhaps albeit more esoteric inclinations. He was seen by the Colonel to be communing with, what that intrepid ex-desert military intelligence analyst considered to be, his 'arboreal relations'. But I shall leave it up to your own astute observations, dear readers!

The day ended up in boisterous conversation under the shade of the many fine trees abounding the edges of the property.

Discussion revelled in broad and varied topics and, but for a most gauche faux pas by Dr. Yorrick at the high point of one debate, had all feeling elated and renewed by the pleasantness of the afternoon's events.

Dr. Yorrick can be seen here to be playing 'hide and seek' with the ladies.

However, most regrettably I might say, he uses his abilities to disappear at will to his advantage in this game. The ladies were still searching for him at dusk and nearly missed the dinner bell.

Following this day's outing, the Katoomba Amusements Company will be considering other jaunts to establishments in the close vicinity. Even Mount Victoria is a possibility, perhaps when the 'Hare' is next loosed upon the Mountains community.

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

Overheard in Katoomba St this morning:

Col Farquhear (professional judge of a fine turn of ankle): Now, Miss Isabel, that lady over there bears an excellent example of a fine feminine ankle. Reminds me of my Colette's shapely stems. But then, she was at an advantage as she had four lovely examples!

Miss. Isabel (an acute assessor of fine millinery attire): Oh, Colonel, really!! Firstly, I am disgusted that you might be looking at another lady's ankles, and secondly, you cannot compare them with those of your camel, no matter how dear to you she may be! It would be a most unfair comparison!

Col F.: Hmm, I expect not, no. And they just wouldn't be as good for those long desert treks, either!

Mademoiselle. Leobelle's Haute Couture Sanatorium

A recent addition to the social milieu of Katoomba and surrounds has been the establishment of an 'Haute Couture' rejuvenation clinic in the beautiful surrounds of Eastview Parade, Leura. This endeavour is the brainchild of Miss. Leonara Godaire whose training in the design, production, presentation and appropriate adaptation of elegant attire, for both ladies and gentlemen, has enabled her to create a venue for the much anticipated rejuvenation of Katoomba society.

Entering the porticos of the fine abode she has inherited from her family, one is struck by the aroma of exotic perfumes, the lushness of the decor, and the graceful movements of all her staff. But Miss. Godaire, or should I say, Mlle. Leobelle, does not only cater to the rejuvenation of high society culture, for she would say no, and no again. Her establishment caters to allcomers regardless of class, creed, or colour.

And this is why expectations are high for the coming Winter Magic Festival for this current year. For SHE and her staff shall be mingling with the crowds of folk attending this gala event, both local residents and those who have come from far and wide, and applying her expertise in'Haute Couture' to the styles of attire worn by all in sundry. No harsh judgements will be made, but suggestions as to a more, shall we say, charismatic approach to each individual's fashion sensibility will be offered.

Yes, it certainly will be 'open house' at Mlle. Leobelle's Haute Couture Sanatorium that weekend, we are assured.

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets of conversation overheard on the streets of Katoomba.)

The following was overheard inside Hedgewick's Emporium by a gentleman who wishes to remain anonymous. It was part of a discussion between Colonel R. Farquhear, a local camel breeder and retired rascal, and Mr. H. Hedgewick, debonair man-about-town and, thought to be author of Beau Brummell's Brumbies: The Katoomba Gentlemen's Dress Code written under a nom-de-plume.

Mr. Hedgewick: This just won't do, Colonel! This gentleman has breached his breeches, he's trashed his trousers, he has knackered his jacket, he has sat on his hat and...he has not a clue as to a good shoe!!!

Colonel F: Well, egad sir! What would you recommend he do then?!!

Mr. Hedgewick: I would recommend a complete restyling. I suggest that he be offered a free introductory assessment by Mademoiselle. Leobelle's Haute Couture Sanatorium in Leura for the beginning. After that he should be sent to Mr. Stodgely-Carmichael for a course in deportment and how to actually wear one's attire. Then he can return to my emporium for a fitting for the latest fashions he will be positively aching to purchase.

Colonel F (applauding): Oh, jolly good show, that'll put the starch in his trousers, dear fellow! Or is it his shirt, I can never remember. Oh anyway it's all jolly good, jolly good!!

(Magpie Mockery is happily sponsored by Hedgewick's Emporium, of Main St, Katoomba. The following advertisement shows two examples of the wide range of fine products and services Mr. Henry Hedgewick endeavours to bring to Katoomba and surrounding towns.)

New Innovations

There has been a flurry of excitement around Katoomba and Leura this past month as several of our prominent citizens have obtained the latest craze that's lighting up the new century as much as Mr Edison's light bulbs have. What I speak of is the 'Edison Bell telephony machinery' that has been implemented in this country, and now, in the Blue Mountains.

First hansom cab off the rank was Miss. Isabel V. Franklin who 'requested' that her father have one of the telephony apparatuses connected to his residence (a copy of her personal Edison Bell courtesy card can be seen at the end of this page). Not to be outdone, the next person to obtain one was, of course, Miss. Leonara Godaire who obtained it for, as she stated to me, 'business purposes'.

Seeing the advantages to his own business and his clientele, Mr. Henry Hedgewick, Esq., owner of Hedgewick's Emporium, sought to be ahead of the rest and had a direct line put in place to his managerial office at his store in Main St, Katoomba.

(The courtesy card for Hedgewick's Emporium.)

It will be anyone's guess as to who will have the Edison Bell company knocking on their door next, but I have heard it on good note that Colonel Farquhear is looking into the idea. Now that will be a turning point for the region, as he has been such a long term advocate of 'pigeon-morse code' as the best modern communication methodology!

Heaven knows what may be next, we will just have to wait and see!

(Taken from The Blue Mountains Echo dated 28th March, 1911.)

(The following is a short(-ish) pigeon-morse code message from the Colonel regarding his ensuing tales of torpidity, truculence and tropical fever. [Ed. ...er, sorry, correct that, it should be 'his tales of travel in the Orient'! Sorry, Colonel! Those dashed, malicious copyboys have been at it again.)

The Travel Journal of Colonel Reginald Farquhear

Welcome fellow travellers, welcome to the world of another era, to the Oriental meanderings and the seething jungle-infested imagination of Colonel Reginald Farquhear, Royal Camel Corps (retired).

Settle back on your chaise longue with a cool mint julep (or a relaxing gin and tonic) and some fresh cucumber sandwiches (or a half dozen lamingtons) and let the Colonel take you away, far away, but not too, too far.... just far enough, so you can make it back for tea (and crumpets). Enjoy!

Thank you, thank you! And now for the boring bit, wherein I shall read you a brief synopsis of my (harrumph!) journal, for current and future readers (ahem!):

I'm sorry, I'll just gargle a flagon of water here before I start (ahem!). Pardon me a moment!

Right ho then!! (Ahem!) This is my journal surveying the period from whence I first left Mother England's shores for my tenure in Oriental lands training for, and thence married to, service with the Royal Camel Corps, based in southern Arabia. It continues with the period following this, wherein I was seconded to Lord George Nathaniel Curzon, Viceroy of India, on home security duties. During my service there, I travelled extensively in various capacities throughout the Orient learning and experiencing many weird and wonderful things.

In 1900, I returned to Arabia for the remainder of my service until my retirement from the RCC. I stayed on in the region to complete my degree in camel breeding with the Yeshbum Institute of Camel Breeding through Profligacy, in readiness for my planned emigration to Australia.

These things and more you shall learn of me, as well as many more recently uncovered secrets about certain people I am closely acquainted with!

Herewith, I shall share some examples:

* A long-hidden secret about this country's history will be revealed in these pages!!

* My revelations about the secret experiments and inventions of Dr Yorrick and Professor Pickwick!!!

* and, the torrid truth of the secret affairs of the ladies (and gentlemen) of the Katoomba Amusements Company!!!!

All will be revealed here first!!!!! (Unless of course, the blighters beat me to it, harrumph!!!!!!).

THE COLONEL'S JOURNAL KNOWS!!!!!!!