Play It Lola, On Your Pianola!

Here we are again ladies and gents, girls and boys, and others! Your weekly 'singalongawithKAC' (no groaning down the back there). This week's gem is the stirring 'Let's all go down The Strand'. And we might ask the Colonel to strike up his military thingamajiggy and 'lead the band'.

(Song moved to http://colonelfarquhear.blogspot.com/)

Magpie Mockery

(An ongoing series of snippets overheard on the streets of Katoomba)

This was relayed to Maggie Mocks by parties unknown (you know who I mean, of course).

Recently, Colonel Farquhear was in the upper echelons and higher strata of the Mountains region, namely that area closest to the clouds, Mount Victoria. There, on a particularly festive weekend in May, he encountered Queen Victoria (or a reasonable facsimile thereof) and a Mr. Brown (a likely pseudonym if ever there was one). The Queen was moved and chose to pass a motion, as it were, to reward the Colonel for his renowned and respected service with Her Majesty's Government in the Near East, the Far East and lots of oddball little places inbetween that nobody's ever heard of.

The Colonel was dubbed and knighted, (or was that, drubbed and benighted, one can't always read one's own writing these days) and a portion of the ceremony was recorded thus:

Her Royal Highness: Kneel!

The Colonel: Your Majesty, at your service.

HRH: Rise, Sir Colonel Reginald...or is it Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear??!! Tell me, Brown, what's your opinion on this?

Mr. Brown: Weel, I dinna kin the ins 'n' oots of etiquette thet well, but I suspect it cud be Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear, Ma'am. And anyways, ye dinna want him tay get too beg fuh hes boots, would ye now??!!

HRH: Quite so, Mr. Brown! Oh, if only you could have been Prime Minister. (To the Colonel) So, it is, rise Colonel Sir Reginald Farquhear, Royal Camel Corps (retired).

The Colonel: Yes, Ma'am, thank you most profoundly, Ma'am, I....

HRH: Alright, that's enough. Now go away like a good fellow, I need to have my afternoon nap.

So, there you have it. A noticeably pithed Colonel, cloaked as 'knight', 'dressed' by a Queen, and 'ayed' by a Mr. Brown..........or, something like that.

Morning Tea at Miss. Isabel Violet Franklin's Daddy's house

On a typical day at Miss. Isabel's abode there is often pre-breakfast snacks, breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, after-dinner snacks, supper and then pre-bedtime cocoa. As Cook doesn't always make rather the most perfect meal every time due to an unfortunate addiction to the local ale and absinthe establishments, Miss. Isabel 'employs' friends and acquaintances as taste-testers from time to time.

Accidentally recorded here by myself, the Colonel, Dr. Yorrick can be seen to have submitted to one of Miss. Isabel's 'requests' regarding her morning tea. It was discovered later that Miss. Leonora, normally the person closest in her immediate vicinity to be seconded to the task of taste-testing, was feeling a little 'under the weather' and somewhat preoccupied with the latest Parisian fashion catalogues fresh from the Continent, to be able to fulfil the role.

Dr. Yorrick took to the task so

enthusiastically that Miss. Isabel is considering him for 'permanent staff' if Daddy can afford him.

Suffice it to say, Miss. Isabel enjoyed her morning tea victuals even though there was very little left after Yorrick's extensive taste-testing.

As to my good self, I unfortunately had to be content with a glass of refreshing mountain water.

Afterword: The Colonel can not be held responsible for any rude or inflammatory comments found within the preceding text.

How To Test If An Iron Is Hot

(Taken from 'Mrs. Hedgewick's Handy Housekeeping Hints')

Mr. Henry Hedgewick is shown here demonstrating the two-step method of telling if an iron is hot enough to use. (Please note: this process is not recommended for little children. Viewing should be under strict parental guidance and funnybone rubbing.)

1. Place iron on heated stove for a short period.

2. Lift iron to forehead and try smoothing brow. If it works there, then it will also be hot enough for use on shirts, nightgowns and other items of clothing.

Mr. Hedgewick's Family History Tales Part 1

This photograph taken with a 'hidden camera' shows Mr. Hedgewick explaining to Miss. Leonora the story of his and Professor Hedgewick's birth as handed down to him from his/their parents.

As Mr. and Mrs. Hedgewick told little Henry, and his alter-ego, 'the Professor', he was born from seeds from the family pumpkin patch, planted in his mother's womb. Nine months later, out popped the biggest, sweetest little 'pumpkin' they had ever seen.

As always, Miss. Leonora is highly sceptical of any stories from Mr. Henry Hedgewick's family history!

A Muted Warning To All Mountains Residents

Be on the lookout this Winter Magic Festival for the wild beastie known as the 'Lithgow Black Panther'.

It has been known to wander as far afield as Katoomba and has a refined taste for local community festivals (and festival-goers).

Should you sight this animal, do not approach too close, and try to get the attention of a member of the Katoomba Amusements Company.

They have within their company skilled 'panther-wranglers', Colonel Farquhear in particular having had extensive experience with large cats in the jungles of India, and in the back streets of Katoomba.

Herewith is a recent pictorial of the creature.

Play It Lola, Upon Your Pianola!

Oft times, the company gathers at one of their elegant abodes to sing along to many an old-time music hall tune. Stimulated by these get-togethers, the Colonel has been inspired to write a small ditty in celebration of the company's many faceted character. Most imaginatively, he chose to entitle it 'The Katoomba Amusements Company Song'. And here it is for you all to sing along to.

(Song moved to http://colonelfarquhear.blogspot.com/)

Now, wasn't that jolly invigorating?!! Almost as good as a cross country run, wouldn't you say?

Well, now that we've 'struck the first chord' as it were, we'll be adding more songs for you to sing along to around your home pianolas.

Next week, it's: "Let's All Go Down The Strand!!"

An Afternoon Tea Party For The Company

A delightful day's socialising occurred recently in the elegant surrounds of Redlands, Katoomba. The guests included Miss. Isabel Violet Franklin, Miss. Leonora Godaire, Mr. Henry Hedgewick, Dr. Yorrick and the elusive Col. Reginald Farquhear, R.C.C. (rtd.).

A light lunch was served of cucumber and lettuce, cold lamb and pickle, and tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches combined with copious amounts of tea. It was Miss. Leonora who commented later that the 'copious amounts of tea' were perhaps a little unfortunate considering that the outdoor 'ladies room' facilities were in constant use by both genders.

Some members of the Leura Ladies Fortune Card Reading Society played a joke on the Colonel, saying that their reading of his tea leaves foretold of romantic ties with an

alluring female from a distant land. They were, of course, alluding to his renowned affection for his former desert steed: his favourite camel, Colette. However, the Colonel, in his usual daydreaming state, took this to be a sign of impending dalliance with one of their own company, which set the ladies to much amusement.

After lunch the ladies took to strolling around the lush gardens found therein. Dr. Yorrick had given the ladies a firm warning about not wandering too far as 'the fearsome Black Panther' had been seen in the Katoomba vicinity 'of recent times', and, 'one never knows'. Of course, Miss. Isabel 'pooh-poohed' the suggestion as 'another of Dr. Yorrick's wild delusions' but Miss. Leonora had had a dream the night previous, of a wild beast (which she said had the unfortunate circumstance of bearing the 'adorable' visage of Mr. Hedgewick) prowling outside her back door and wanting to get in. So her natural inclination was to take Dr. Yorrick's advice to heart.

Mr Hedgewick, meantime, had wandered into the garden for similar aesthetic reasons, though perhaps albeit more esoteric inclinations. He was seen by the Colonel to be communing with, what that intrepid ex-desert military intelligence analyst considered to be, his 'arboreal relations'. But I shall leave it up to your own astute observations, dear readers!

The day ended up in boisterous conversation under the shade of the many fine trees abounding the edges of the property.

Discussion revelled in broad and varied topics and, but for a most gauche faux pas by Dr. Yorrick at the high point of one debate, had all feeling elated and renewed by the pleasantness of the afternoon's events.

Dr. Yorrick can be seen here to be playing 'hide and seek' with the ladies.

However, most regrettably I might say, he uses his abilities to disappear at will to his advantage in this game. The ladies were still searching for him at dusk and nearly missed the dinner bell.

Following this day's outing, the Katoomba Amusements Company will be considering other jaunts to establishments in the close vicinity. Even Mount Victoria is a possibility, perhaps when the 'Hare' is next loosed upon the Mountains community.